The Unseen Scars – The Emotional and Mental Wounds

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What Unseen Scars do you have that is affecting your relationships, the way you communicate with people, your financial situation, your spiritual views, your health, your parenting style, your sexual activity, your career, the way you see yourself, and your happiness, ? In fact, it affects Every area of your life. The Unseen Scars (2)


What is Unseen Scars?

Unseen scars are the emotional and mental scars that we have that are harder to detect, and harder to notice. Physical scars heal but the emotional and mental scars don’t heal unless we become self-aware of how they are affecting our lives and seek professional help.

Let me give you an example

I have a coaching client that is a mother and a wife and recently, after working with me and doing some coaching exercises, she realised that her mother had a profound affect on her weight problems and eating disorders. Her mother would always be telling her she was fat and needed to eat less. Through my 7 step coaching program she was able to become aware of her old wounds, and put strategies in lace to change her old conditioning.


Who has Unseen Scars?

You may be thinking “I don’t have scars as I had the perfect childhood”. Well I’m here to be straight with you and tell you Everyone has scars. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood. Most parents do the best they can with the knowledge they have when raising their children, however, we all make mistakes because children don’t come with a manual, so a lot of it is trial and error.

Let me give you an example

When I had four wonderful boys I was so busy working and trying to provide financially for them, so they didn’t have the trauma of being poor like I was, that I didn’t spend as much time with them as I would have liked. Those scars came from my childhood and then I passed on similar scars to my children. When I did some work on myself I realised that those scars were now affecting the way I parent and sought a life coach to help me put strategies in place to overcome these scars so that I didn’t repeat them.


What causes those Unseen Scars?

Some events could be very traumatic as a child such as:

  • a family member dying
  • a parent or close family member abusing drugs or alcohol
  • being sexually assaulted
  • a favourite pet dying
  • being bullied at school

Other events are less obvious but no less traumatic such as:

  • moving homes often
  • having a sick parent or sibling
  • being different in some way
  • being fat or obese
  • being very poor
  • being an only child
  • having emotionally or mentally abusive parents
  • growing up without a loving home
  • growing up with your parent/parents always working and never home
  • siblings always teasing you
  • never being allowed to express yourself and your emotions
  • not having someone to talk to and confide in
  • not having any good role models
  • a close family member having mental health problems

and the list goes on and on.


Ripple Effect

When you become an adult the unseen scars you have will be compounded by what happens to you as an adult.

Let me give you an example

I had a client that had low self-esteem and low self-confidence from her parents always telling her she was not very pretty, so when she would meet a man that showed any interest in her, it never lasted very long because she became very needy and always needing reassurance from that man to make her feel good. When I started coaching her she became self-aware of these patterns and was able to put new patterns in place that helped her deal with her unseen scars.


Signs that you have Unseen Scars:

  • You have to be in control of everything and everyone
  • You have one or more addictions
  • You are very emotional and needy
  • You are emotionally shut down and have many walls
  • You don’t let people get close to you and are a loner
  • You run from relationships
  • You are quick to anger
  • You have a lot of jealousy or resentment
  • You believe you have no “baggage” and no old wounds
  • You wonder why you are not happy
  • You can’t have lasting relationships
  • You let fear run your life
  • You are afraid of getting hurt
  • You hold grudges and cannot forgive others
  • and on and on it goes


How to Heal

It’s not all doom and gloom. The good news is that we all have “baggage” and old wounds, so you are not alone.

The other good news is that you are reading this article so you are already becoming more self-aware of your wounds and are ready to do something about it. The hardest and biggest step is admitting you have wounds and that you are ready to heal them.

Congratulations. I am so proud of you.


Next Step

The next step is to seek professional help. Someone that you feel comfortable with and you relate to. I have a 7 step program that will help you:

  1. Identify your unseen scars and help you become more self-aware
  2. Learn more about yourself and where the scars come from
  3. Identify your blockages
  4. Release those blocks
  5. Identify your core values
  6. Link core values to your current situation
  7. Measure your success


Strategies you can implement NOW

  1. Sit down, think about what patterns you keep repeating, and write them down
  2. Stop and do some meditation
  3. Think about how you would like your life to be

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