I remember when my self-confidence was so low, I struggled with getting attention, speaking in front of people, and relationships. I sometimes hated myself and didn’t feel I was worthy.
On the outside I seemed very confidant but on the inside, it was a whole different story. I realized that at the heart of it was that I had low self-confidence and worked on myself to be more self-aware and love myself, which led to better self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an extension of self-love, so the first step is becoming self-aware and increasing self-love.
We need to love ourselves unconditionally. If we don’t love ourselves how can we expect others to love us? You may be thinking that this sounds like a very arrogant or conceited thing to do. Unfortunately society has portrayed self-love as exactly that, and that’s why so many people today are unhappy, depressed, sad, unable to be happy in relationships, looking for answers, and trying to find themselves (who they are and what makes them tick). Thankfully, the perception of self-love is slowly changing.
“You cannot love others unless you love yourself.” Dalai Lama
Signs of Low Self-Confidence
How do you know if you have low self-confidence? Some of the common signs are:
- unable to look people in the eyes
- avoiding people or situations
- excessive sweating in certain situations
- don’t like getting out of your comfort zone
- don’t like change
People often to try to improve their self-confidence by changing their external environment. For example, people might :
- have a face life
- get a new hair style
- buy a new car
- lose weight
- get a breast enhancement
- get into another relationship
- go on a shopping spree
- go on a holiday
- change jobs
If these are done as a way to increase self-confidence, they will only work short term because they don’t address the real issue-what’s going on inside that’s giving us low self-confidence. I know because I tried some of the above things, and it didn’t help long term. It’s like putting a Band-aid on a festering wound and expecting it to get better. From the outside, it may look like it is better, but when you take the Band-aid off, it’s not a pretty sight.
Now don’t get me wrong, taking the actions is fine if you are doing it for the right reasons. It just depends on your intention behind your actions.
It’s like the old cliché “beauty comes from within”- Well it’s the same with self-confidence. It must come from within to last long term.
When your self-confidence is low?
By becoming aware of:
- your emotions, feelings, thoughts and why you have low self-confidence, you are taking the necessary first steps to increasing your self-confidence. Listen to any negative self-talk going on in your head such as:
- saying you can’t do things
- saying you don’t deserve things
- saying you are not good enough
- saying you are not smart enough
- saying this is the way you have always done it
What situations do you have low self-confidence?
Our past experiences will determine in what situations we will have low self-confidence, so it’s important to identify when it is happening. However, it can be changed, but you must identify it first before you can change it. As an example:
If you were brought up with conflict in your family environment this may give you low self-confidence when dealing with conflict with your partner, or, you may have been humiliated at school when having to stand up if front of the class to speak and so at work when having to give presentations your self-confidence goes through the floor.
- Is it when you are speaking in front of a group?
- Is it when you are out talking to the opposite sex?
- Is it when you have conflict with someone?
- Is it when you have to make an important decision?
- Is it when you are with your partner?
- Is it when you go out in public?
- Is it meeting new people or in crowds?
Exercises to start improving your self-confidence:
- Download my free e-book on self-awareness and do the exercises– The exercises in this book is the 1st step in my 7 step program that teaches you how to become self-aware, how to identify what habits are holding you back, then how to go about replacing your old limiting habits with new habits that will give you more self-confidence and self-worth http://superwomanvsrealwoman.com
- Write affirmations and read them through out the day-these affirmations rewires the brain from the negative limiting beliefs you have to replacing them with positive beliefs. The mind is a muscle and can be re-trained just like other muscles in the body.
- Start journaling- this helps you get your negative self-talk out of your head and onto paper. When things are in our head our subconscious is controlling us and we are not aware of how much it is limiting us. This exercise helps you to become more self-aware of what is really going on in our heads. Self-awareness is the first step to change.
- Write down what you are grateful for every day and say it out loud- there have been studies done on how much being grateful has changed peoples’ lives. It re-wires the brain and gets you to focus on what is positive in your life and not the negative. What we focus on expands, so this brings more positive into your life. When we are more positive it gives you better self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Do some mirror work– tell yourself you love yourself in the mirror. At the heart of low self-confidence is low self-love and self-worth. When you increase your self-love you automatically increase your self-confidence. When you love yourself more your attitude changes, your feelings change, your thoughts change, your actions change, your results change, in fact everything in your life will change.
I have coached many women who tried external solutions to feel more self-confidant and they were still not happy. When we worked on what’s happening within them by working through my 7 step program, we saw massive lasting change in their self-confidence, which rippled out into every area of their lives.
To find out more about my 7 step program, contact me for a complimentary strategy session to see if I can help you. I only have limited positions for my one-on-one coaching.